excuse me miss?

These are actually questions that I have been asked while working at the hostel.

1. Do you know where we can get something to smoke? (No, but others have had luck asking a random person on the street.)

2. Will we get in trouble if we smoke that here? (There's a terrace, don't let me see you go up there.)

3. Can we eat the bread that's sitting on top of the refrigerator? (Not mine.)

4. Are you really going to confiscate our alcohol that we bring in from outside? (No, as long as you pour me a glass and save me the bottle.)

5. Do you speak English? Un poquito? (Sí, better than I speak Spanish actually.)

6. Why is you English so good? So you're not Uruguyan? Why are you here? How long? How'd you get the job? You don't live in the hostel? Where are you from? When are you going back? (In answering these questions, I sound like a robot in both English and Spanish. I really need to think of a new story to keep things exciting like I'm in hiding with a Columbian drug lord or my parents kicked me out and I hitchhiked all the way down here. Maybe I was captured and sold into white slavery, and they're forcing me to bartend for pennies.)

7. Why isn't the shower working? (Because we're in South America, where that occasionally happens.)

8. Can I stay in a dorm where there's not a lot of people? (Um, no because this is a hostel so it's impossible to predict what might happen.) This guy was later found naked, laying on beds in three different rooms by Martin.

9. Is there an egg cup that I can use? (What's an egg cup?)

10. Do you have a South American boyfriend? (This answer really depends on who is asking the question.)